I met a young woman recently who introduced herself as Crash. “It’s because I have so many accidents” she explained. This encounter happened about a month after I had fallen off the roof of my house, breaking two ribs and knocking myself out. Based on the ER doctor’s reaction, this occurs frequently during the holiday season. I don’t know why I have had so many accidents, but it has been a continuing pattern since my early childhood. At four I fell backward off a chain I was swinging on and woke up in the hospital. A year later I started my grandmother’s Mustang inside a closed garage and nearly killed myself and the kid who lived next door to her. A train accident in Mexico, after which I was unconscious for ten days, was followed by more car accidents than I can count. I have also had many tool related work injuries. The real surprise, I guess is that I am still alive, and in fairly good health. I have been searching for the ‘meaning’ of all these accidents for some time.
Susan Krauss Whitborne, a noted professor of Pschology lists many potential causes of accidents: lack of sleep, alcohol, medications, overall poor health, and emotional distress. Also on her list are distraction, and poor situational awareness which seem like they apply more to me. “Preoccupied with such personal issues as work-family conflict, feeling overworked, or being dissatisfied with the physical conditions of their workplace, people prone to cognitive lapses have particular difficulty focusing on what’s going on around them.” I don’t usually notice these distractions, but I am interested in learning how to personally avoid accidents. My injuries usually occur when I am so focused on one thing that I lose sight of other things around me. “After all, you have only yourself and your attentional frailty to blame. Knowing your vulnerability can be the first step in bolstering yourself mentally against the possible psychological, if not physical, dangers in your environment.”
Mindfulness, or ‘tuning in’ “is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us”. Mindful.org, which uses the logo/caption ‘taking time for what matters’, has many useful resources, and stresses that we should practice mindfulness on a daily basis. Since I do not feel like I have any extra time I am most interested in how to work the practice into my normal daily activities. “Observe the present moment as it is. The aim of mindfulness is not quieting the mind, or attempting to achieve a state of eternal calm. The goal is simple: we’re aiming to pay attention to the present moment, without judgement.” David Rome is a teacher of what he calls Deep Listening, which seems like a good approach to practicing mindfulness. He says that “the foundation for mindful listening is self awareness”. “Being good at listening to others requires the ability to listen to yourself”. “Listening takes a combination of intention and attention. The intention part is having a genuine interest in the other person – their experiences, views, feelings, and needs. The attention part is being able to stay present, open, and unbiased as we receive the other’s words-even when they don’t line up with our own ideas or desires”. He lists some tips to improve our listening:
Check inside: How do I feel, and can I be in the moment;
Give your full attention to the other person;
Acknowledge your reactions, and return your attention to the other person;
Reflect back what you hear ;
Acknowledge (and clarify) the other person’s point of view before offering your own.
I think this is a good, practical way to practice mindfulness, and I am going to try it.